Ease’sentials

A blog post with the value of a 4-week life design course for navigating life with ease and confidence. – you’re welcome ; )

This blog post/ life design course is for you if you think you have to schedule your days more efficient, to find ease in the chaos.

If you feel you’ve to stop caring so much, to protect your boundaries and heal your heart and energy.

If you think you need to toughen up, to finally surpass the monsters in your own darkness.

And if you’re done with all the life hacks, unicorn meditations by the self-named woken ones and those encouraging memes that tell you to just keep hustling girrlll! – Cause you can’t anymore.

You really want to find your way out of the daily struggle and make things easier for yourself. An ease that settles insides yourself and doesn’t ask more of you than to just live your life and actually enjoy it.

You can. And to feel that ease in your days with kids, work, laundry, hopes, dreams and a dog, you need to get just four essentials in place for yourself.

This is why;

You care about this world and all the living beings on it. You’re shaken by the injustice and the pain and you want to contribute for something better, more loving, more true. You’re so conscious about the effect of your actions that your head often implodes by making the right decision. That’s exactly why you want to fully get to the essentials for ease. They are key for keeping yourself sane, confident and fulfilled. And it’s only when you’re done being with yourself, that you can rise above your own being and fully show up for your fellow humans and our beautiful Earth.

In this blog you learn what those essentials are, what they can do for you and how to use them in your favour. I use these basic ingredients myself and in my work with other driven women to navigate towards a sense of wholeness and meaning in every aspect of our lives. It’s not a quick fix and I suggest you save this blog in your favourites and take your time to see how these essentials come together for you.

TABLE OF CONTENT

• Intro; how to navigate life when you don’t have a clue where you’re going
• Ease’Sentials
• 1. You gotta be super real about your fundamental needs
• 2. Own your personal preferences
• 3. Follow your natural rhythm
• 4. Trust the direction of your heart
• How to continue; power of choice

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I would wake up in the morning with a crunch in the pit of my stomach, drag myself through the day and go to bed feeling the same but more intensely.

In the mean time I was trying to figure out a better, more easier way as how I was struggling now clearly didn’t work for my energy, joy or fulfillment.

I’ve met with people who apparently did get the life planning manual I was searching for. I walked through their just renewed house with the right amount of new design mixed in with the old characteristics of a well build home. With their kids playing nicely as they had managed to raise them into well-behaved cuties while working on their amazing sounding jobs. And they served gluten free cookies from that little organic bakery by our tea. Ooh yes, I did envy the ease and abundance that seemed to come so effortlessly to them. Until he told that this was the house they where going to get old in and – when the time was there – would be carried out between the four planks of a wooden box – ugh!

It’s easy to navigate your life when you’ve a clear destination where you want to go to.

You simply type ‘heart surgeon’ in your little navigation and follow the steps in between. Of course you gotta work for it to make it actually become your reality. But every time you feel lost or unsure about your next steps, you simple check your planner to get you back on track with ease.

But what if you only have this vague feeling of what you want in life? What if what you mostly know is about what you don’t want or like? Nobody will find their satisfaction and fulfillment from living life based on resistance.

Somehow, you need to learn to find your way towards something as subtle and volatile as a whisper in a breeze of the wind. Like trying to grab to the essence of a dream that keeps disappearing in the chambers of your unconsciousness. You know it must be there – you just saw it! But now it’s out of your touch, slipped away through your fingers like sand on a summer beach. Leaving only the warmth for a few seconds as a token of truth.

I’ve tried to find my true purpose or destination. It’s quite an exhausting and disappointed search that gnaws on your confidence and self-esteem. Now I’m slowly making peace with not-knowing.

It’s okay to not know. It will bring ease and it’s liberating even.

We’re so attached to knowledge, giving our brain all the power, that we forget about all the other ways of knowing we’ve. And if we don’t get it, we more open to rely on the so called wisdom somebody else is digging up, than to trust the one steering in our soul. Making ourselves feel even more stupid, disconnected and lost.

But what if you just stopped to overthink e v e r y t h i n g as it doesn’t even help you not doubting yourself?

What if you just wandered around a bit longer in the unknown without striving to make meaning out of it?

What if you just be with yourself and all your feelings without the need to understand any of it?

It’s fucking scary and by times certainly not the most pleasant state to be. But if you do dare to stay with it, every time a little longer, you free yourself from endlessly fighting your own struggles, hiding your discomfort and searching for clarity. I found that it even brings you closer to your truth.

Cause when you’re eyes slowly adjust to the darkness, you finally learn to know all of you. And you do make sense to your life, don’t you?

It’s very likely I’m going to die in the open field of possibilities on my way to somewhere. In the mean time I wanna explore what’s hidden in my soul, read all kinds of books, try out every taste of chips, go on little adventures with my family, learn to be okay with nothing but myself and enjoy the beauty in everything.

What I’ve learned so far is that you need to have four essentials in place to truly feel the confidence and have the energy to live your life this way – by your own design. Those essentials are very basic, and therefor quickly overlooked. But without them, you keep struggling with the feeling that you’re doing something wrong or are completely missing the point. Because, honestly, you are.

Ease’Sentials – your essentials for navigating life with ease and confidence

Before we dive into them, I want to note that I don’t pretend to hold The Truth, the same as there isn’t just one recipe to make a delicious apple pie. I’ve tested the Ease’Sentials to be sturdy and reliable in real life challenges as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, entrepreneur and highly-sensitive do-gooder. They’ve also proven to bring ease in the lives of the different women I’ve work with over the last couple of years.

My intention is that you never feel the restrictive pressure of having to stick to only one so called ultimate recipe or lifestyle.

I want for you to get so familiar with the essentials for ease, that you feel completely confident in using them in all kinds of ways based on nothing more or less than your own liking.

So try them out, adjust where you need and see how these four essentials can help you find ease in living life your way.

1.

You gotta be super real about your fundamental needs.

I know we love to get to the depth of our spirits and all, but before you go there it’s good to remember you got a physical body that makes it actually possible for you to be here, experiencing life.

Our six fundamental needs directly fuel your health and overall well being. It’s impossible to reach a state of relaxed, grateful presence, living in health and authenticity, if you’re not deeply connected with your bodily being and haven’t honoured your physical needs first. Without timely fulfilling your needs of oxygen, love, movement, rest, hydration and food in an excellent quality – you’ll keep this nagging feeling that something is off.

As you might already have discovered; there’s a whole economy behind the ‘right’ way to nourish our fundamental needs. But don’t get confused by all the shiny lights and beautiful sounding promises; your body knows what she needs. She knows in a way that goes beyond knowledge but with a natural wisdom that have kept us alive for century’s. Just like she knows how to grow your hair, make love, enjoy the best food and keep your heart beating… You just gotta listen and trust more closely.

How to be super real about your fundamental needs;

• PAUSE – when you wake up in the morning, while you cook, fold the laundry, walk the dog, do your work, in the middle of a conversation; pause with what your doing. Then;

• BREATH – take a deep breath in, and a slow easy breath out again. This will help you to;

• FEEL – feel your body; your feet on the ground, your calves and knees, your belly, spine, arms, shoulders … all the way up to your crown. Ask yourself;

• HOW DO I FEEL? – Tired? Hungry? Restless? Cold? Overwhelmed? Need to pee? Tense shoulders? Well,

• WHAT DO YOU NEED TO FEEL BETTER? – and better can be anything here! But the point is to discover this and go give yourself what you need to move back in alignment and feel at ease again. Btw; craving to finish a whole bag of chocolate chips cookies? Think again – what’s your true need underneath this craving? Loneliness (a need for love) doesn’t get solved by swallowing cookies but by picking up the phone and call your friend.

It’s pretty obvious that going to the bathroom when you need to will give a great sense of relief, isn’t? But how many times did you wait to go only cause you wanted to finish what you’re where doing first…?

Even the smallest gestures of self-care will do the work much better than ignoring yourself at all.

Learn to fulfill your needs with love and respect for your beautiful body, for all other living beings and Mother Earth. This isn’t something big and complicated. You don’t need to wait till you’ve got time for it, neither get a membership at the local gym or learn new recipes. It’s a simple, ongoing collaboration with your body. A connection that a lot of us have lost in a world that tells us we gotta work hard, give up on x or do better at z to feel good as a result.

By making it your priority to fulfill your needs to eat and sleep well, feel loved, breath fresh air, move enough and get hydrated on time, you give your beautiful body everything she needs to do her work and keep you alive, well and healthy. It will create a strong foundation on which you can be moved by life without breaking, and will help you to feel at ease in challenging situations. Cause you know how to take care of yourself, no matter what.

2.

Own your personal preferences. Don’t pretend you’re somebody else than you!

This one is a challenge in its simplicity. My fav example; why on earth would you force yourself to drink that damn green, cold smoothie every morning while the taste disgust you? It’s healthy – maybe, but those health benefits get completely lost in pressuring yourself to drink it.

I know you’re conscious about what you eat. You do your yoga and try to put in more mindfulness throughout your day. But the question is, is this really what you need to feel more calm and relaxed in this moment? Or are you doing this cause so and so told you these are the things you definitely should be doing for living in a healthy way?

Here is where your preferences help you to pin point the fulfilling of your fundamental needs in a way that does serve your health. Not by following any rules or diet plans. But just by staying true to yourself.

How true are you about yourself, to yourself?

The thing is, you can’t hide out in life. Neither can you out run it without completely putting an end to it. And the wicked thing is that the moment you finally find yourself pleasantly snuggled up in a silent spot – you meet yourself. Wherever you go, you always take yourself with you. And I can tell moving 5749,3 km from one country to another.

It all begins and end with you. Yes, you gotta become friends with yourself to make this one work.

This can be quite uncomfortable as that what makes you stand out, are mostly also the things you feel embarrassed about. But it can also be the redemption of your daily struggles. As soon as you stop adapting to what’s “normal” and start owning your personal preferences, you will feel more at ease with yourself, in any given situation.

How to own your personal preferences;

• Get comfortable with all of you. Don’t play bigger than you are. Neither try to fit in as it only will drain your energy and it’s killing for your confidence, joy and overall well being.

• Tell a different, more loving and true story about yourself. Hold yourself as where you your own child. You belong, all of you.

• Ask yourself; what feels like the most it to me? Choose for that.

• Walk in the shoes that fit you. Cry when you need to cry. Move in the way that truly feels good to you. Drop the fabrics that look sophisticated but feel itchy on your skin . Enjoy silence if that’s music for your ears. Make the art that’s singing in your heart and not because it gets the most likes on social. Laugh out loud.

• Do whatever feels best to you, in the way that feels like it to you and really- don’t give a damn about what others might think.

By embracing your personal preferences, you create a radiation of confidence and authenticity from within around yourself.

This is you. You know who you are and you’re at ease with yourself wherever you are.

3.

Follow your natural rhythm. Don’t try to row against it, it will only wear you down more.

First; if you’re out of sync with your body – you definitely are with your rhythm. If you feel you got no energy at all, then you should begin by reconnecting with your fundamental needs first.

Second; your personal preferences are like a protective shield for your energy. How more you own everything that’s you, how more centred you will be in your energy. This is also where you discover the activities and maybe people that suck the energy out of you. You simply start recognizing that you – with all due respect – don’t like being around of them.

I overheard a happy early birdy share that all successful people rise by the magic of the morning sun and it made me cringe. Success doesn’t just happen overnight nor does it only show in morning dew. You can be an early bird, a night owl or something in between. But this doesn’t determine your level of success and/or happiness in life.

Your energy is a subtle essences that follows a rhythm that’s natural to you. It is nurtured by our fundamental needs, deeply influenced by the spaces we live and work in and is in sync with the greater rhythm of nature.

Unfortunately, our society is based on an economy of linear growth. Asking us to be productive between 9 to 5 with only a short break for lunch. And these are the circumstances of a good job. Adding some kids, taking care of your family and a household, and your desire to chase your dreams – you’ll find your energy spread paper thine and ease hard to find.

Your energy is never a straight line from 9 to 5. And you can’t just flip it on and off in the most preferred amount and setting. Energy is fluid and comes and goes like the ebb and flow in the ocean.

You gotta learn to roll with; enjoy the highs and appreciate the value that’s in the lows. Use it wisely when it bubbles. Not to over do it, but invest it steady towards what really matters. And lean back when it’s time to rest. Not to push it, but to trust and feel fulfillment for what’s already done.

Yes, your energy is deeply influenced by so many things.
Yes, your sensitive for the moon, those unspoken words, the news, a song.
And yes, it may seem that there’s often less energy than more.

But it only becomes a weakness when you fight yourself on it. You really have that power of choice.

How to follow your natural rhythm;

• Following your rhythm begins by recognizing it. I know, that simple eh? But most of us are lived by the clock, so we’ve to un-clock ourselves first to see what comes naturally.

• Start with making an energy journal. Notice not only your fundamental needs, but also your level of energy during the day. Your energy level is directly influenced by the level of fulfillment of your needs. And still follows a rhythm on its own. That’s what you want to learn to know better.

• Whenever you get the opportunity, don’t set an alarm. When do you wake up by yourself in the morning?

• Turn off all distraction for the evening and notice when you feel it’s time for you to go to bed. Notice the difference that it makes the next following day(-s).

• Regularly take a day in which you live without a clock. When do you feel the natural desire to slow down a bit? If you let go of the standard time for lunch break, when do you get hungry? When are you most focused and sharp? What moment(-s) during your day do you feel more dreamy and creative? When do you feel it’s time to stop?

Life is like a dance. It’s constantly moving and changing. At some moments you’ll find a certain state of flow; you’re carried by a wave of harmony that feels effortless and abundant. But then life moves on again, taking this moment with it. It’s okay. It’s the rhythm.

When you learn to dance, work, play with your rhythm, the less you’ve to force yourself and the more at ease you’ll feel with the greater process of life itself.

Above are the first three essentials to find your way in life that works best for you. And let me highlight the last part of that sentence; your way in life that works best for you.

Ease, joy, confidence. How you show up in life. The work you do – it all starts with you.

Therefor even the direction you move forward in, and the decisions you make for it, should finds its origin in you;

4.

Trust the directions of your heart.

I’ve been exploring with the purpose and the best use of this fourth essential for over two years now. And if you’ve been with me for a longer time already, you’ll likely notice that this is a more evolved approach on the desired feelings as I wrote about in the ‘Your Lifestyle Formula’ book. It absolutely took me so long to deepen navigating my life with an open heart and mind and with a trust and clarity that’s genuinely authentic. And, most importantly, can withstand the challenges life throws at us.

Feelings can get quickly blurred, making it difficult to make clear choices. But the matters of your heart will give you steady direction no matter what challenges you face.

It’s the easiest explained with the familiar example of driving a car. But where this lame analogy sticks to only covering the necessity of the right fuel and timely maintenance, I’m going to take this example a bit further;

You’ve got your car all ready and fuel up (fundamental needs) It’s definitely the car of your liking (personal preferences) so you’re pretty pleased with it all so far. You have the whole road to yourself and your driving in a comfortable speed (natural rhythm) Taking your time for some stops and enjoying the scenery and everything. Now your cruising on your way to… fuc! – where the heck are you going to?!

This is the point where – after the first shock of feeling lost – we eagerly start looking for signs, clues, helpful answers or great examples that tell us the right direction to proceed. But what’s right?

Because you don’t have the name of your destination, the most obvious signs besides the road are quite useless. So that makes you going back and fort in ways that sound logical or are the most recommended, educated or common ones to take. It’s a strategy. But it’s exactly the one that, despite all the effort you’ve put in to it, will lead you straight to the moment when you realize you’ve lost yourself somewhere down the road of trying to do good in every part of your life. And you did lost the connection with yourself right when you started searching for direction outside the window of your cool car.

The truth is, nobody knows your answers. Nobody gets your story. And nobody can clarify what the fuc is going on in your life or where you need to go next. Nobody but you. It all starts with you.

Education and upbringing has taught us to think in a certain way, to tick off the boxes. Those guidelines of what’s normal or supposedly right can be helpful in life. But it can also become a little to tide. Squeezing the fun and spontaneity out of things and yourself. Something especially true for highly sensitive perfectionists who are very aware of unspoken rules and expectations. That’s where that beautiful brain of you, gets in your way.

It makes you overthink stuff, keeping you out of your sleep. Or makes you feel bad about yourself, calling you shit for what you didn’t do ‘right’. Nibbling pieces out of your confidence and self-esteem in an ancient impulse to keep you safe. And before you know it, you’re stuck driving on this roundabout, running in that damn hamster wheel, without being able to make your own decision on how to continue next.

The best possible navigation there is, is the one that comes from your heart;

• What do you really care for in life?

• What’s important to you when it comes to yourself, your family, your work and contribution to this world?

• What matters most to your heart?

That project you’re struggling with, an idea you can’t get your head around, the vision you don’t see coming true, the direction you’re looking for; it will work out.

You only need to slow down a bit more. Take your foot of the paddle and pay attention to the little hints from your heart. Listen to the whispering underneath the noise and hurry. Be unconditionally true about your own truth; that what really matters to you – whatever that is for you. And trust the process as it unfolds.

No matter the circumstances, you have the power of choice.

Now you know the Ease’sentials, it’s up to you how you want to continue. This blog really does hold the value of a 4-week life design course. So I suggest you save it in your favourites. Experiment with each essential for a week and see how they come together in your day to day life.

I’m pretty sure that when you start working with them, you eventually will get the hang of it yourself. But I also know that this can be a lonesome journey with some stubborn monsters and practical bumps that absorb a lot of time and energy when you deal with them on your own. If you’ve a question or want to work on this together, I’m here for you to help.

Two points to round this whole piece up with;

• No matter the circumstances, you have the power of choice.

and

• Wherever you’re in your life; you’ve got some big saying in designing your days in a way they are meaningful and satisfying feel good.

Work, life, parenting, deciding what to eat…. It will all get much easier when you stop trying, and start living by what’s most true to you. Reality is, it rarely goes as planned. But knowing what you need and matters to you, helps you to direct your focus with more ease towards the beauty and meaning in every part of your life. Understanding that this is now, that you’ll grow and you’ll always have the power to choose again in the next moment.

With love,
Wenske

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