Earlier we came back from visiting our family and friends in the Netherlands. It was the first trip back after we moved to Canada 10 months ago. It was exhausting and good and … exhausting.
Staying in a house filled with family, driving the roads so well know made me think; how can we stay sane in the midst of chaos, how can we feel confident when everything is uncertain, how can we make clear decisions when we don’t have a clue about where to go?
How did I find my way during this whole life changing process?
Did I find it?
There was a lot we had to let go of before our move. And more to learn and start new after we arrived. For a long time I felt I was in this open space of opportunities without certitude on most of the things.
I’m still in that openness and I’ve learned to appreciate it without clinging on to what’s secure, to ease my overthink brain just by being in it, to be okay even when I don’t feel it.
No matter where I go or what I do, what sticks is me;
who I am, how I show up in this world and what I basically need to be my most true self.
I’ve know moments where I searched for my identity by the way I dressed. Periods where I tried to define myself by my skills. I’ve observed and copied what others did, just to blend in with the group. I’ve had times where I analyzed all my passions, my calling or whatever to identify the clue that tells me what the heck I’m here for and how to contribute to the world. I’ve listened carefully to what the wise people said about happiness, purpose, health and becoming the better version of myself.
And all that time I felt lost, hopeless and for most days and in different gradients, I felt stupid and a failure. Because I couldn’t fit myself into a box. I didn’t feel like I belonged to one culture or philosophy. I didn’t have a degree that showed you my competence. And all those life hacks and helpful sounding tips didn’t work the way I longed for.
The last couple of months proved to me again – the feelings of Love, Joy, Strength and Ease are barely about the circumstance. It is definitely all about ourselves.
This can be an unpleasant truth; it makes you the only one that’s responsible for you. But let me clarify; so is everybody else.
To me this idea has more and more liberated me from overthinking, pushing harder, trying to do better (whatever that means) and stressing out. It puts our worries into a whole other perspective. Bringing light, ease and fun into the things that where never to be controlled or understood by us in the first place.
Instead of ‘managing it all’, aim your focus on taking care for yourself in your own best possible way. Ask yourself; how am I doing? What do I need to feel better? Follow up and honour your needs for rest, love, food, movement, air and hydration.
True self care gives us the strong flexibility to be moved by life without breaking.
It provides us with the energy to share our love and joy without running empty.
It let us be fully present exactly as who we are.
And it strengthen our trust in the profound connection with our self, our heart and spirit and Life that shows us the path to follow on roads we’ve never taken.
I don’t know about a lot of things, but – for most of the time – I’m clear about my needs, my boundaries and the values I hold. The rest I trust in the hands of Life, Mother Nature, the process of creation, my guardian Angels.
There is simply no point in fighting the greater forces.
Life will never let me down, until it’s time to move on.
Pun intended, my sarcastic humour included. But, it does take a whole lotta weight of our shoulders, doesn’t?
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